What you focus on is what you get!

When I first started working with people as a counsellor and more recently a coach I noticed that often my clients would have a really long list of things they didn’t want.

Butterfly on pink

For example, a single woman wanting a relationship would tell me all about the type of man she did not want to have a relationship with. She would be able to tell me in great detail about the personality, habits and even appearance of the man she under no circumstances wanted to meet.

What happened next?

She would come to sessions telling me how she kept meeting people who fit her description but nothing else.

This is creating your own reality in action.

Was she really creating these men? Of course not but she was giving her unconscious mind instructions about what to look out for.

Try this experiment right now. Look around the room you are in and notice anything that is Red.

Now close your eyes and notice anything ask yourself what in this room is green. Open your eyes and check. How much did you miss?

Our minds need direction on what to pay attention to and if we tell ourselves to ignore something we are merely highlighting the very thing we don’t want. For example, whatever you do right now do not think about chocolate. Urn

What happened?

So what do we need to do instead? For people looking for a relationship I give a task.

Write down on at least four sides of paper in detail what you would like in a partner. This focuses the mind on the right things and you are more likely to meet that person.

More next week.


About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
This entry was posted in Personal Development, Positive Psychology and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to What you focus on is what you get!

  1. nicky mcneill says:

    So true Melody! Thanks for the reminder. We create our own realityxx

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