Last week I wrote about positive intentions and how these can keep us stuck if we do not find a new way to satisfy these important intentions. This week I want to build on what you need to do to make changes.
Do you ever feel like you are a passenger in your own life and that things are just happening to you?
This feeling is a relatively common one for many people, if you recognise this in yourself the first thing to do is notice the feeling. Now take a deep breath and step back metaphorically from your life. Take another look.
Often we need to get perspective in order to realise that we have more control than we realise. You may be able to get this perspective on your own by reflecting on your experiences or you might need to find a skilled practitioner who can facilitate you in getting this perspective.
Part of this journey is about educating yourself. If there are things in your life that are less than fulfilling challenge yourself to understand how much control you do have. Find other people to use as role models. The people you choose could be those who have had similar experiences or history to yourself but have overcome their obstacles.
Work out what they did to make those changes. If you know the person you could even ask them. Read books about people who took control of their lives and transformed challenging situations.
You might identify that there are some personal skills you need to develop such as assertiveness, flexibility or even basic conversation skills. Make a plan to get those skills, maybe join a class, go on a workshop or get a coach.
Maybe some of the skills you need to develop are practical, such as financial planning or using a computer. Again, take charge, get a plan and get the appropriate help.
If you realise your self-esteem needs a boost take charge of that too. You could start with a book or audio such as “Feel the fear and do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers for example. There are lots of other excellent books too.
In a nutshell the steps are:
- Own your experience, recognise you can take charge.
- Take responsibility for making those changes.
- Educate yourself in whatever way you need to.
- Take action and stay focused.
Before I sign off today, I’m running a two day introduction to Transactional Analysis for coaches starting this Tuesday. The workshop will be at our new centre in Crowborough, East Sussex. I still have a few places left, it would be lovely if you could join me.