It is my birthday today and I found myself thinking “maybe I’ll skip the blog this week”. How interesting when I reflect that I wrote a brief holding blog last week because I was working.
What is really going on?
Then I realised it! I’ve been procrastinating! At the beginning of this most recent series I said I was going to write about forgiveness and it is about time I did.
Why am I finding it so hard to get started?
There is a part of me that really does not want to forgive. When I examine that part more closely I realise that part is only about four years old. It is the wounded hurt part of myself driven by fear.
So here is my promise right now. I will look after that part of myself and at the same time I am going to explore this issue right now. I am going to keep writing until I’ve said what I need to say on the subject.
I think it is entirely possible that what I write today will fill up more than one blog but I will do all the writing today, right now.
Hey here is the next bit of procrastination. I started telling myself I felt a backache sitting in this chair! Okay I’ve adjusted my posture and I’m good to go!
Okay that was weird! The screen went blank! I’m even getting technology to help me procrastinate. Thank you words press for automatic saving!! The procrastination failed!
So I have a four year old part that does not want to forgive and a part in the here and now that recognises (at least intellectually) that forgiveness is a healthy thing to do.
I need to value, listen to and protect my inner child. I need to understand why it is important to hang onto certain issues. When I have done that perhaps I can then forgive.
I know it is time for me to do this because I have started attracting clients into my practice who are wrestling with forgiveness. There is a clue.
What is great about that is not only are people holding up mirrors for me they are also providing me with some alternate perspectives.
I’ve also put on a bit of the weight I had lost. This feels like that protection thing again!
I was right I have enough for several weeks of blog! Next week I will share what I’ve written about hanging onto our fear, hurt and anger.