Last week I wrote about how important “security” has been as a value in my life and I want to clarify something very important. I am not suggesting that having security as a value is negative, I am merely suggesting that sometimes we are out of balance with how we express a value.
I still value security in my life and intend to continue doing so. The main thing that has changed is my relationship to security.
When we have a value that is out of balance the place to start is to understand why this value is important to you. In my case it was all about feeling safe. In NLP this is known as identifying the “Positive intention” driving the internal impulses connected to the value.
I now understand that what I really needed was to feel secure in my own ability to deal with whatever life throws at us. So this is on two levels, firstly on an internal level and secondly on a behavioural level externally.
Balancing the internal involves understanding our own natures more fully and connecting with our inner value. One of the things I found particularly helpful was a popular best selling book by Susan Jeffers:
“Feel the fear and do it anyway”
The most important idea from this book was an affirmation that Susan suggests that we adopt:
“No matter what happens I can handle it!”
The evidence being that I’m still alive and even if there are things that I could have handled better at least I survived it!
A similar idea is suggested by Dr Phil McGraw who wrote such books as “Life Strategies” and “Relationship Rescue.” He states that there is only one person you need to trust, yourself!
With these ideas in mind I began “reframing” my definition of security. One aspect was recognising that I thought financial security could only come from being employed. I challenged this thinking and started to look at the counter evidence. For example if someone is self-employed they have more control over their work particularly if their income comes from multiple sources.
This was still a big jump so I took the idea of transforming my thinking from poverty to abundance consciousness onto a number of personal development workshops. I held the idea of transformation as an aim while on the workshops and during that process something inside shifted.
My husband Joe, attended the workshops with me. He had identified that he also was holding poverty consciousness even though his history and background was very different to my own. I believe there was a tremendous benefit for the two of us doing this work together.
The biggest paradox for me came at the point where I realised I felt secure and confident about the future even though I had chosen to take voluntary redundancy from work and Joe was still looking for a job after university.
We have now been running our own business for over twenty years. We started it up during this change of transformation and have continued to go from strength to strength.
Interestingly enough I now hold a very strong belief that it is far more financially secure to be self-employed. I am willing to take risks and am currently in the process of one right now. We have relocated from Bedfordshire back to my home county of Sussex. Much of our corporate work is still in Bedfordshire meaning a lot of commuting for now.
I am confident and secure in the knowledge that this risk will pay off and that we will find locally based work very soon. Our personal development workshops are really taking off in Sussex and we have an NLP Diploma next month that is already full.
There are still a couple of places left on the NLP101 in February our free 2 day introduction to NLP. If you are interested in attending that download a booking form from our website or drop me an email;
Next week I will talk a little about the external shifts that are necessary when re-balancing a value.