When our values are in conflict

I wrote last week how it is possible to hold values that conflict with each other and how this might impact on our lives. Firstly let me explain what I mean.

When I first decided to become self-employed I realised that one of my strongest values was holding me back and that it was in conflict with a newly acquired value of “freedom”. Freedom had not been particularly important to me however it rose up as important as a side effect of my personal development journey.

I saw being self-employed as providing me with the freedom to choose what I did with my time and who I worked with. On the one hand it seemed a perfect way to set forth into my new life.

On the other hand security was my number one value historically and was still right up there. For me security was a value with several dimensions. It was one of the things that had kept me in an abusive marriage for six years. I had been frightened that I would not be able to financially support myself  as a single woman but  also I was afraid of being alone.

Freedom and security can both be seen as positive values although either one can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle if lived out of balance. It was important for me to find a way to re-balance the relationship security had with how I lived my life.

I realised that in many ways it had created a paralysis in me that prevented me from taking risks and going after what I wanted. However it had also meant that I was good at managing my finances and able to avoid getting into debt.

To completely let go of this value was unhelpful and unhealthy. I needed to keep what was most important and modify my thinking and reacting.

The same is true of freedom, if I became overly concerned with freedom I might lose other parts of myself that feel important to me.

Next week I will talk a little about how I re-balanced my values so that I could achieve the things I wanted to in my life.

I have one of my free 2 day NLP workshops coming up on 18th January. For some reason I have lots of places left this time so I’d really appreciate it if you can help me out by letting people know about the course. The details are on www.gwiznlp.com

If you haven’t done this course yourself I’d love it if you would join me.

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
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One Response to When our values are in conflict

  1. psikolog says:

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