Stopping Games, stepping out of unhelpful patterns of behaviour

This week I am returning to the use of Transactional Analysis as a way of recognising and stopping negative repeating patterns of behaviour.

Games are habits and we all have our own favourites. When coaching, games can be very destructive and can leave both parties feeling traumatised and mis-understood. Naming a game does not always help even if the other person understands the theory because this just becomes a new game, called transactional analysis.

The way to stop games is to increase your awareness of the games you find yourself playing. The following questions can be used to work out what usually happens and can be used to develop different options.

  1. How does it start? You will need to turn detective to get to the true start of the game as it is often far earlier than we realise.
  2. What happens next? Start mapping out the sequence of “moves” to the game.
  3. Then what happens?
  4. How do you feel? We often have complex emotions but equally we can be disassociated from our feelings.
  5. How do you think the other person feels? Can you truly step into their shoes?
  6. What do you think the hidden messages are? What are you both really trying to communicate? What are your needs? What are theirs.
  7. What do you really want to say to this person?
  8. What do you think they want to say to you?
  9. How does it end?
  10. How else might you behave at the beginning in order to get a more constructive result?

Next week I will speak a little about something called parallel process for all you coaches out there.

Quick reminder, this Friday in Crowborough, East Sussex I have a Supervision group for coaches, NLP Practitioners and Hypnotherapists. There are still a few places left. Contact me on for details.

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
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