This week I am returning to the use of Transactional Analysis as a way of recognising and stopping negative repeating patterns of behaviour.
Games are habits and we all have our own favourites. When coaching, games can be very destructive and can leave both parties feeling traumatised and mis-understood. Naming a game does not always help even if the other person understands the theory because this just becomes a new game, called transactional analysis.
The way to stop games is to increase your awareness of the games you find yourself playing. The following questions can be used to work out what usually happens and can be used to develop different options.
- How does it start? You will need to turn detective to get to the true start of the game as it is often far earlier than we realise.
- What happens next? Start mapping out the sequence of “moves” to the game.
- Then what happens?
- How do you feel? We often have complex emotions but equally we can be disassociated from our feelings.
- How do you think the other person feels? Can you truly step into their shoes?
- What do you think the hidden messages are? What are you both really trying to communicate? What are your needs? What are theirs.
- What do you really want to say to this person?
- What do you think they want to say to you?
- How does it end?
- How else might you behave at the beginning in order to get a more constructive result?
Next week I will speak a little about something called parallel process for all you coaches out there.
Quick reminder, this Friday in Crowborough, East Sussex I have a Supervision group for coaches, NLP Practitioners and Hypnotherapists. There are still a few places left. Contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org for details.