Getting perspective, how am I creating this?

This week I want to start exploring how we can move from being “at effect” to “at cause” in our life. You will remember from last week that being “at effect” is the experience of feeling helpless and victim like. Being “at cause” is when we have reclaimed our power.

When I first began my own personal development journey, over twenty years ago the following idea helped me to recondition my own responses. Whenever I found myself in a situation where I felt helpless or hard done by I would ask myself a question:

“How am I creating this?”

Now for those of you who have seen the movie, “The Matrix” you may well think I am heading there, and in a way I am. Only in a way. I’m not suggesting that we are all plugged into a computer however what if we were clouding our perceptions based on faulty thinking.

We are not responsible for the actions of others however sometimes we may be allowing or even encouraging behaviours in others that may be leaving us feel victim like. We may be getting ourselves into difficult situations because we are not well informed or because we set ourselves up for problems. All of this results from how we interact with the world and this is something we do have control over.

When others treat us badly or take advantage of us it is worth thinking what are we doing that gives that person permission to do that? In his book Life Strategies, Dr Phil McGraw describes what he calls the ten Life Laws and number 8 is particularly relevant with regard to the above:

“We teach others how to treat us.”

If we accept this as true it allows us to review our interactions in a new and more empowering way because here is the really good news! We are likely to get the opportunity to “do over”.

“What does that mean?” I hear you say!

We all recreate repeating cycles of behaviour and experience. As we do this we attract people into our lives who know how to deliver what we expect to receive. You will in some way be fulfilling a pattern of theirs too. This week my challenge to you is to identify the repeating patterns of behaviour in your life.

Next week we will explore some ideas to help you find these patterns and then start re-writing your script..

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
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2 Responses to Getting perspective, how am I creating this?

  1. As ever an excellent blog. It reminds me of the Law of Attraction. If we respond to people in a negative way that is what we will get back. But sometimes it is not easy! It goes back to the personal power that you talked about. Thank you for this timely post, as I am off today to see my Urologist a about an ongoing kidney problem. He has no bedside manner and difficult to approach but things could be tricky. So I will remember what has been discussed here and hold onto my personal power in dealing with a brilliant surgeon. He has the knowledge but I have my power. I have felt quite intimidated by him at times over the last six years or so, but I am learning to see through him. Thank you Melody.

  2. Melody Cheal says:

    Good luck Tricia

    Have you studied Transactional Analysis? Surgeons often fit a profile making them brilliant yet poor at social skills. The task focused nature responds best to direct questions without fluff. Depending on how parental they are will give you the degree of challenge.

    I ran an assessment centre for surgeons a few years ago, a real eye opener!

    The good news? No matter how rude and insensitive they may sometimes appear it may be complete lack of self awareness rather than unkindness.

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