Feedback, who should you believe?

As I continue to add my thoughts about Personal Power and how to develop it I realise how many things are connected. Over the last few weeks I have been writing about feedback and I will continue a little longer as each time I write a post I think of something else!

This week I am curious about who you choose to believe and in exploring this I would ask you to consider a category from the NLP concept of meta programs.

Meta programs are one of the ways we have in NLP for understanding how people tick. If you want to read a great book about this I recommend Shelle Rose Charvet book “Words that change minds”.

For now I would ask you to consider the program concerned with referencing. The terms are external and internal referencing.

If someone is completely externally referenced they tend to base their self evaluation on feedback received from others only. By the same token someone who is completely internally referenced will not take other people’s opinions into account at all.

It is possible to be balanced or to have a preference but with a check at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Issues can arise from a personal power perspective if we have an extreme profile on either end of this continuum. To be completely externally referenced can be to place our self esteem into the hands of others while being completely internally referenced may cause challenges to growth.

The question we use to identify where we are on this meta program is:

“How do you know you’ve done a good job?”

Here is an important point, we can be different in different contexts and the more self aware we are of our process the less of an issue it is likely to be.

For this week I would like you just to consider your own referencing preference and next week I will delve into the topic a little deeper.

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
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2 Responses to Feedback, who should you believe?

  1. Alison says:

    I really look forward to next week. I think I am getting a lot better at not judging myself only according to others opinions but I am not sure I have quite reached a healthy balance of external and internal referencing – still a work in progress.

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