Because I deserve it!! When negative self messages are disguised as positive ones.

I was reminded this week of one my personal self-sabotage strategies. There have been times in my life (many of them) when I have said the phrase “I deserve it” either to myself or to someone else just before engaging in a behaviour that is in some way unhealthy for me.

I have noticed this is something many other people do too. In my case it usually proceeds eating something that I will late regret. For other people I have noticed them using this phrase just before smoking a cigarette, drinking alcohol or spending money they don’t have. I am sure there are many other applications too.

I want to break this down a little. Firstly in the case of food, I get that it is good to give yourself a treat. In my opinion usually a little bit of what you fancy does you good! So for me it is mainly chocolate, I include my favourite treat in my healthy eating plan. Jillian Michaels, the personal trainer I mentioned last week recommends that you allow as much as 20% of your calories for treat foods. This avoids feelings of deprivation.

However the deserving phrase slips out for me when I over-indulge. My husband, Joe pointed it out to me and as we discussed it I began to notice what he was getting at. The deserving was really about punishing myself, I was saying “I deserve it” in a negative way. Perhaps there is more to the sentence, could it be:

“I deserve to be fat”?

Considering that phrase has made me wonder how many other people are doing the same thing. I wonder what other seemingly innocent or positive phrases are really disguised negative phrases. Let me know what you think and what self defeating phrases you may have been using. Next week I will suggest how we might counter such negative self talk.

I’m keeping is short this week as I am about to start teaching day two of our NLP Master Practitioner programme, we have a great group of people on the workshop, I’ll see what they think about this topic.

If you would like to join us on an NLP programme check out our NLP website


About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
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2 Responses to Because I deserve it!! When negative self messages are disguised as positive ones.

  1. Joanne Coulson says:

    Hi Melody,
    This one really rings true for me and was utilised this past week. I had a particularly challenging (of course I reframed the day, the delegates were all earth angels helping me learn and develop) day and at the end of it whilst driving home, I found myself saying “I’m going to stop at M&S tonight to get some yummy food because I deserve it. I deserve to treat myself with something easy to prepare and yummy to eat because today was a really tough day and I deserve to treat myself” What I then found interesting was that after I’d walked the dogs, I no longer felt the need to compensate my less than positive state with food but instead switched the ‘treat’ to ‘no brainier’ tv. I’m thinking there was still a need to be kind to myself and give myself some nurturing. I also need to apply my plexi screen more often at work!

  2. Melody Cheal says:

    Great awareness Jo


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