This week I want to complete my series of blogs about resilience, that bounce back factor that allows us to experience life in a positive and fulfilling way. “The Power of Resilience” written by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein has provided the themes for this series and I recommend you consider reading it.
Brooks and Goldstein have been studying this topic for many years and have a great way of understanding the processes involved. Those of you who are parents might also find their book “Raising Resilient Children” worth a look.
The final feature from their suggested ten features needed to build resilience is about “feeling special”. Before I add my thoughts I need to clarify what this means. Being special is about recognising your own value and worth as a human being, it is not about being self-centred.
This distinction is essential without it there is a risk that we act as if we are entitled to certain outcomes, experiences and material things. This is something that happened when there was a concerted effort to increase self-esteem in children in the states.
Children were told how wonderful and awesome they were but were not given sufficient boundaries and responsibilities. This resulted in a whole generation of young adults with an entitlement attitude, many of them did not work but expected their parents to still be providing for them aged 30 years and more.
Most modern programmes aimed at helping children develop healthy self-esteem and resilience incorporate boundaries and the development of values such as consideration, responsibility and compassion. They also foster the importance of feeling special. The results are very positive producing well balance young people who are a delight to be around and who are delighted with life!
Allowing myself to feel special was a major step for me. I grew up with very low self-esteem and very little emotional resilience. I did not believe myself to be special and failed to recognise my own value or that of others. I was in a very bitter and unhappy place.
For me the turning point was the sudden realisation that I had as much right as anyone else to lead a happy life and that I did have many positive qualities. I was able to accept that I was loveable and likeable, something that I had not believed before this.
How can do you get to feel special?
The first step is to reach out. As I have mentioned in many previous blogs I believe that we are most successful at personal development when we engage with others. We need to be in the company of people who already have that feeling of being special and who are willing to support you in making your transformation. We are social animals and sometimes we need to see our own magnificence reflected back to us in the mirror of another being.
When did you decide you were anything less than magnificent?
Are you ready to re-discover your own dazzling brilliance? As a place to start consider a few startling facts about you as a human being;
- You have a body that is keeping you alive automatically. It breathes, your heart beats, your organs do amazing work. Are you taking care of your body?
- You have a brain that is processing millions of bits of information and sending signals to your body to take action. I wonder if you are appreciating how magnificent your brain is.
- You have emotions that enable you to connect with others, feel joy, pain, pleasure, compassion, sadness, anger and more. These emotions help you make sense of the emotional world, do you listen to your emotions?
- And if all that is not enough every atom in your body was once the centre of a star! You are literally a star and you are special! Are you ready to accept that yet?
For many of us we need help getting there, we need to deal with our baggage, old limiting beliefs and negative internal dialogue that has been keeping us stuck. Reach out as that first step realising already that you are special even if you have not yet allowed yourself to feel it. The first step begins the journey.
If you would like help in that journey from me, reach out to me. I want to help you. If you are local enough or can travel I’d love to see you on one of my workshops or for one to one support. If travel is challenging still contact me as I have a wide network across the world and I may be able to put you in touch with someone who lives nearer to you.
To help you on the way I have several workshops planned in the coming months.
Free two day introduction to NLP workshops
These workshops are designed to get you started and also form the first two days of an NLP Diploma and NLP Practitioner. We have courses running in Bedfordshire and Sussex in the UK. For more details click on the link below:
Transactional Analysis for Coaches, Trainers and Leaders running in September 10/11. This workshop will give you some useful tools for self discovery that you can also use to help others. For more click on the link below.
Finally, at the end of October I am running an intensive Hypnotherapy programme (6 days or is that daze). This workshop requires NLP Practitioner or similar as a pre-requisite. Although aimed at developing the toolkit participants report major personal development shifts as a result of attending this workshop. For more information click the link below.
Mention this blog when applying and receive a £300 discount on the early bird price!