In my next instalment of about resilience I am exploring the power of learning from experience. Many people who lack resilience fall into the trap of constantly repeating self-defeating patterns of behaviour and thinking patterns. These patterns keep them trapped and to quote a familiar phrase it is the definition of insanity, to keep doing the same thing and expect a different result!
In NLP we have a very well know saying from the set of NLP Pre-suppositions:
“There’s no such thing as failure only feedback.”
Many people misinterpret this pre-supposition and think it is about ignoring or denying failure. Not so. This is about learning from our experience, if something goes less well than we expect we need to take on that learning and adjust our strategy so that next time we do something different. This way we can refine our approach to problems and challenges increasing our likelihood of success.
How do we do that?
Well the first step is to ask ourselves “what happened?” Detail to yourself the sequence not just of your behaviour but what were you saying to yourself, how were you thinking, what internal images were you running in your head?
In NLP we have techniques that allow you to “model” our strategies. In the case of ineffective strategies modelling them allows us to develop a plan for change. This may just require self-awareness but at other times we may need to employ other NLP techniques to change some of our internal processes.
On a cognitive level it is possible to start by asking yourself what Anthony Robbins calls “sensible questions”.
- What can I learn from this?
- What can I do right now to improve the situation?
- What can I do differently next time?
- What can I do to increase my chances of success next time?
Tony Robbins also suggests asking yourself
“what’ really funny about this right now?”
I love this one because as Tony points out if you are going to one day look back at this and laugh you might as well do it now! When we are laughing we are more resourceful and our ability to problem solve is increased.
Just as importantly we do need to apply many of these principles to our successes. This part of the resilience strategy is often overlooked. Many times when we succeed we are so busy enjoying the experience we forget store away the learnings we have discovered.
So to build resilience take ownership of your experiences, learn from both your failures and your successes. Repeat winning strategies and adapt those that work less well.
If you would like some help developing your strategies remember NLP is a great place to start. We have now published our NLP programme for 2013 so if you would like to join us check out our events page for both courses in 2012 and 2013. Follow the link below for more information: