This week I want to talk more about reliance, that bounce back factor that allows us to experience life in a positive and fulfilling way. With that in mind I have been re-reading some excellent books and in particular “The Power of Resilience” written by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein. Brooks and Goldstein have been studying this topic for many years and have a great way of understanding the processes involved. Those of you who are parents might also find their book “Raising Resilient Children” worth a look.
They came up with a list of ten features that make up a resilient mindset which I would like to share with you:
- A sense of control in one’s own life experience.
- Possessing strategies to develop “stress hardiness”.
- The ability to be empathic.
- Having and using good communication and interpersonal skills.
- Good problem-solving and decision making skills.
- The ability to establish realistic goals and expectations.
- Being able to learn from results of both successes and failures.
- Possessing compassion and take action to be a contributing part of society.
- “Living a responsible life based on a set of thoughtful values.”
- Feeling special (as opposed to self-centred) and also helping others to feel the same way.
Over the coming weeks I intend to use the above features to explore how we can increase our own resilience. Some of my explorations will be based on the work of Goldstein and Brooks. I will also bring in other aspects drawn from my own experience and study including; NLP, Transactional Analysis, Positive Psychology, Emotional Intelligence and some other more experiential ways of looking at things such as mindfulness. There are so many ways we can go with this that I would like to invite you to get involved. Do share your own thoughts and ideas, comment on my ideas and share this blog with others who might be interested.
To get us started here are some questions that I recommend you consider and apply to your own life.
- How much control do you have over your life?
- How could you get more control?
- Is your glass half full or half empty? Or is it something else entirely?
- How do you handle stress?
- How easily can you put yourself in someone else’s shoes?
- Do people understand you when you relate to them or do you often end up feeling misunderstood.
- How do you make decisions and solve problems? What influences you?
- What is your relationship to goal setting?
- What are your expectations of life, others and yourself?
- How do you ensure that you learn from your experiences?
- What stops you from learning from your experiences?
- Can you with hand on heart say that you are compassionate to others?
- Are you only compassionate to people who “deserve” to receive compassion? How do you decide?
- What is your contribution to society? How do you contribute? What do you offer?
- What are your values? How much thought have you given to them?
- Do you recognise and feel your own specialness? Can you see what is special in other people?
It is my intention to expand on some of these questions over the coming weeks and to share some of my thoughts about how we fit into the world. I am curious to know what thoughts you will have about this and what you can share to expand my thinking too.
For those of you wanting to take the next step on your personal development journey do take a look at the link below. We have decided to offer you the opportunity to experience a free 2 day introduction to NLP workshop. This course is suitable for people with little or no knowledge of NLP. It is a great way to find out if this is for you and to find out if we are the trainers for you. The workshop forms the first two days of an NLP Diploma and the Diploma is the first four days of NLP Practitioner. Contact me direct if you have any questions.