Resilient Mindsets: Becoming more resilient

This week I want to talk more about reliance, that bounce back factor that allows us to experience life in a positive and fulfilling way. With that in mind I have been re-reading some excellent books and in particular “The Power of Resilience” written by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein. Brooks and Goldstein have been studying this topic for many years and have a  great way of understanding the processes involved. Those of you who are parents might also find their book Raising Resilient Children worth a look.

They came up with a list of ten features that make up a resilient mindset which I would like to share with you:

  • A sense of control in one’s own life experience.
  • Possessing strategies to develop “stress hardiness”.
  • The ability to be empathic.
  • Having and using good communication and interpersonal skills.
  • Good problem-solving and decision making skills.
  • The ability to establish realistic goals and expectations.
  • Being able to learn from results of both successes and failures.
  • Possessing compassion and take action to be a contributing part of society.
  • “Living a responsible life based on a set of thoughtful values.”
  • Feeling special (as opposed to self-centred) and also helping others to feel the same way.

Over the coming weeks I intend to use the above features to explore how we can increase our own resilience. Some of my explorations will be based on the work of Goldstein and Brooks. I will also bring in other aspects drawn from my own experience and study including; NLP, Transactional Analysis, Positive Psychology, Emotional Intelligence and some other more experiential ways of looking at things such as mindfulness. There are so many ways we can go with this that I would like to invite you to get involved. Do share your own thoughts and ideas, comment on my ideas and share this blog with others who might be interested.

To get us started here are some questions that I recommend you consider and apply to your own life.

  1. How much control do you have over your life?
  2. How could you get more control?
  3. Is your glass half full or half empty? Or is it something else entirely?
  4. How do you handle stress?
  5. How easily can you put yourself in someone else’s shoes?
  6. Do people understand you when you relate to them or do  you often end up feeling misunderstood.
  7. How do you make decisions and solve problems? What influences you?
  8. What is your relationship to goal setting?
  9. What are your expectations of life, others and yourself?
  10. How do you ensure that you learn from your experiences?
  11. What stops you from learning from your experiences?
  12. Can  you with hand on heart say that you are compassionate to others?
  13. Are you only compassionate to people who “deserve” to receive compassion? How do you decide?
  14. What is your contribution to society? How do you contribute? What do you offer?
  15. What are your values? How much thought have you given to them?
  16. Do you recognise and feel your own specialness? Can you see what is special in other people?

It is my intention to expand on some of these questions over the coming weeks and to share some of my thoughts about how we fit into the world. I am curious to know what thoughts you will have about this and what you can share to expand my thinking too.

For those of you wanting to take the next step on your personal development journey do take a look at the link below. We have decided to offer you the opportunity to experience a free 2 day introduction to NLP workshop. This course is suitable for people with little or no knowledge of NLP. It is a great way to find out if this is for you and to find out if we are the trainers for you. The workshop forms the first two days of an NLP Diploma and the Diploma is the first four days of NLP Practitioner. Contact me direct if you have any questions.

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
This entry was posted in Emotional Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, NLP, NLP Practitioner, Perception, Personal Development, Reality, relationships, resilience, Self Esteem and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Resilient Mindsets: Becoming more resilient

  1. Raymond says:

    A small note on “control”. They write “a sense of control”. Since 100% control for me is an illusion ( although i tend to be a control freak from time to time) I wonder how they explain this and what it means to them. For me it is more being OK with how things are going (flow) because if you strive to have 100% control how would this negatibely affect your bounce back factor….

    Hope this make sense 😉

  2. Thanks Raymond

    This is really about self responsibility, eg we can’t change anyone else only ourselves. I’ll write more about this in the coming weeks. It will also be about how we process experience, watch this space. :0)

  3. Felicity says:

    I find the questions that you pose in your post quite profound – they really make you think (and question) those aspects of yourself and how you might act more positively if you consider them in daily life. And I can see how some individuals (people I know and care about) could lack resilience, as well as self worth and motivation.

    Looking forward to reading more.


    • Thanks Felicity

      What Ilove about this topic is how easy it is for us to take positive steps to strengthen our resilience. As we step up our own experience we help others to do the same. Real win/ win


  4. Teresa says:

    I love the notion of being able to take responsibility for increasing our own resilience. Too often resilience is discussed in deficit models that use it as a contrast to risk factors that are attributed to life challenges. Thanks for the positive twist.

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