Anchoring Relationships

This week I would like to discuss how anchors are a natural part of all relationships and how that can both help and hinder.

Firstly for those of you not familiar with anchoring I would like to start by providing a definition of anchoring and how it works. Let’s start with a definition from Robert Dilts and Judith Delozier:

“In NLP, ‘anchoring’ refers to the process of associating an internal response with some environmental or mental trigger, so that the response may be quickly, and sometimes covertly, re-accessed.” (Dilts & Delozier, Encyclopedia of Systemic NLP, p29)

BTW I recommend you have a look at the Encyclodpedia if you are interested in NLP, here is the link:

Now let’s break this definition down a little more. Anchoring is a naturally occurring phenomenon, it happens when two seemingly unrelated things become linked in the brain. The links can be something we see, hear, feel, smell or taste.

For example, many of us have songs that we associate with a relationship.  The song comes on the radio and suddenly we experience a feeling about that relationship. Hopefully that will be a warm fuzzy feeling however sometimes we have negative anchors. A negative anchor could be a song that reminds us of a painful breakup.

The stimulation of this feeling is automatic once in place. Positive  relationship anchors strengthen a relationship while negative ones weaken it.  Many of these anchors are outside of our conscious awareness so we may not realise the impact they are having.

Anthony Robbins talks about an example of a negative anchor on one his audio programmes. In this example he talks about what happens when a husband is experience problems at work.

Everyday he leaves work feeling angry and unhappy. While feeling this feeling he walks through the front door and the first thing he sees is his wife’s face. Unknowingly this creates an anchor because this experience is replicated day after day the anchor becomes very strong.

What happens next is where the problem really begins. Imagine the scene, the husband has a good day, he is feeling good and he walks through his front door. What happens? He sees his wife and then feels bad. He doesn’t know why.

Fast forward after repeated experiences of negative feelings being triggered by the sight of his wife the husband is now starting to think he might not love his wife anymore. What is so sad about this is the fact that the issue is not the marriage.

Consider how often this must happen in relationships, where people are having unpleasant experiences in their lives that accidentally get associated with their marriage.

So how do we counter this?

The most important step is self-awareness. We need to stay conscious of our emotions and what is causing them.  We need to own our feelings and manage our state before we engage with our partners.

This way  we can share our problems with our partners and avoid inappropriately  transferring the issue to our relationship. Our partner can then be, as Dr Phil McGraw, describes it “our soft place to fall.”

In addition to this make a point of creating positive anchors in our relationship, about our partner and our lives together. By creating strong positive anchors we are also putting in a safeguard.

This safeguard will automatically collapse negative anchors that we are less aware of. In NLP, collapsing an anchor occurs where one anchor is stronger than another. Both anchors are triggered at the same time and the stronger one wipes out the weaker one. If we naturally have strong positive anchors in our relationship we protect it.

For those of you wanting to find out how to set anchors and collapse negative ones join us in March for a 9 day intensive NLP Practitioner programme. You will be amazed at how much you transform if you give yourself the opportunity! Click on the link below for more information.

March 17th to 25th 2012

Our NLP Practitioner programme uses a humanistic and person centred approach. You will learn new skills and have the opportunity to let go of limiting beliefs and experience your own magnificence. We teach ethics and provided ongoing supervision and support to all our students.

We also have Master Practitioner in May and NLP Trainer’s Training in June, contact me for more details.

About Melody @ GWizlearning

Melody spent fourteen years gathering experience of the business world working in banking, telecommunications and the public sector before co-founding The GWiz Learning Partnership in 1993. Melody has a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology, a degree in Psychology and a diploma in Psychotherapy. She is an NLP Master Trainer which allows her to run NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer Training courses certified by the Positive School of Intrinsic Neuro-Linguistc Psychology. She is also a qualified Myers Briggs practitioner and EI practitioner and added to all this is five years Transactional Analysis training, meaning she is able to help organisations access the hidden potential in their staff. She is also in demand for her work in transforming average or even troubled teams into high performers. Melody is a visiting lecturer at University of East London, teaching "Wellbeing and Positive Psychology" to undergraduates. Additionally, she is a member of the CIPD and is ILM accredited. Melody's interests are many and varied. She has a keen interest in personal development, canine and wolf psychology, conservation, movies and running. She also enjoys western horse riding, walking the GWiz dogs, nature watching and stage combat (particularly sword fighting).
This entry was posted in Emotional Awareness, Life in General, NLP, NLP Master Practitioner, NLP Practitioner, NLP Trainer's Training, Personal Development, relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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