Thanks this week to Chris Oulds (Shoukry) who made a comment on a Linkedin group “Organisational NLP”.
“Melody – for me number 9 “No matter where we find ourselves there is always choice” is the most incredibly powerful and empowering truth – yes there is always always a choice – although there is obviously also always a price to pay for every choice – its a question of us looking at the choices and the prices and deciding which one is best for us – very powerful.”
So thanks for the comment Chris and I will use this as my starting point this week. The ninth PSiNLP Pre-supposition is:
No matter where we find ourselves there is always choice
The most important word here is “choice”. We all have more choice than we realise and at the point of realising that we have choice we become truly empowered.
A student on my ILM 7 Executive Coaching Diploma used a fantastic point connected to this in one of her written assignments. This is what Kate Webber had to say:
“Victor Frankl reminded me of the value of pausing during a coaching session; he said ‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom’.”
This quote comes from Frankl’s book “Man’s search for meaning” and describes the ultimate test of choice. We have the ability to choose how we feel, what we perceive and how we will act.
We can change our whole relationship with life from victim to freedom. Frankl stayed “free” in his own mind while in a prison camp suffering terrible physical and mental conditions.
How do we move to a place of choice?
This is easier said than done on occasion. The first step is self awareness, an understanding of our repeating patterns and knee jerk responses. There are many ways to this awareness and NLP is just one approach.
In my own practice I use a mixture of tools to help people identify their patterns and make new choices. Tools from NLP such as perceptual positions can be very helpful as can those found in Transactional Analysis.
In TA we might explore scripts, mini-scripts, games, transactions and drama triangles. With awareness we create that space between the stimulus and the response.
Peter Honey produced a model for handling problems where he said there were four options. I have made a slight adaptation to this model which I will highlight.
Option 1: Do nothing – some things get better all by themselves (although not often!). This is still a choice.
Option 2: Change your perception – when we get perspective sometimes things feel different.
Option 3: Change your behaviour (this is the one I adapted, Peter said “change their behaviour”). When we change our behaviour we influence the behaviour of others and we will get different results.
Option 4: Change the situation – we can choose to remove ourselves from situations and environments that are not working for us.
This model is an other way to access awareness.
For some awareness may bring a paradigm shift making new choices easy for others and even the same person choice will be a conscious decision.
Returning to the point Chris made on Linkedin, when we make choices there can be costs however running old patterns also have costs. Accepting our right to choice provides us with the freedom to own our experience and create the life we want.
Choice can also mean that we behave exactly as we always have but perceive the experience differently or even feel different.
Choice can be about putting in boundaries, standing up for yourself, recognising that you do have value and worth.
Choice can be about changing behaviours where we treat others disrespectfully or where we give others permission to treat us disrespectfully.
Choice can also be about acceptance.
I can’t wait to hear who will choose the next PSiNLP pre-supposition for me to comment on. Send me a comment and I will include your point in the next blog.
I will be attending the NLP Conference in London this week, it would be love to meet you if you are going. I will be helping out on the ANLP stand at various times throughout the workshop and will also be at Joe Cheal’s workshop “The Language Patterns of Captain Jack Sparrow“ on Saturday afternoon. Joe will be in full costume and character, definitely worth checking out. Late news, I have a costume too!